“I am GOD.
At the right time
I’ll make it happen.”
I have been on an all round wait for a while, not the first time though. It is a common thing in this walk of faith to find yourself waiting and trusting over one thing or another.
It is even harder trying to deduce the appointed time🤦🏽♀️.
I have found myself constantly at that point of questioning:
Papa why is it taking this long?
Is there another lesson that I am skimping on?
Do I need to throw myself into some volunteer work?
Go through a masterclass?
Bump up my stewardship skills?
What is it that has me on this waiting bay till now?
Can we go on recess already?
The typical scenario to this usually has me sprawled on the floor, all worn out and looking like a hot mess genuinely expressing my frustration to Papa.
Once I am done with the rant, my spirit pops up these sobering reminders:
He is God and I am not.
His ways are above mine.
He wields in eternity and I, currently am, operating in time.
This keeps me in check. It stills my racing mind, resets my thoughts from the default overdrive setting.
So when a fortnight ago He whispered to me that this one was different, I was lost for words and quickly brushed it off. Papa was on a quest to secure my heart as He persistently echoed that there was more to the prolonged wait than I was possibly deducing. I keenly listened, as I fought the doubt that was threatening to choke it. I could hear Him beckoning me as He made it known that the season has indeed changed.
It is how I found myself at that same place Peter was at, after a whole night of empty catches.
Seemingly not the first he had experienced but that which had him turning in the towel. Yet another reminder of how he had failed possibly as a provider, a businessman and a specialist. He knew the tricks to the trade but for some reason it was not working and washing the nets seemed like a better alternative for him. At least, it would give the impression that he is minding something. Too consumed by his circumstances to notice Jesus getting into the boat to flip his ‘it’.
Ah! Oh how I know that place too well.😔
God was asking for me to give Him one more try and I was armed with the list of what fell through. I had been operating on autopilot and His request to have me out of it felt like a stretch. Papa was truly pushing it with this one and I was not ready to handle another round of disappointments.☹️
I was not sure whether I would have the strength to absorb the shockers that came with either.
On my own, I possibly could not do this.
My systems were on high alert and somewhere within, the little girl that summons me up for meetings jumped ship after dishing the pros and cons list. I had no will-strength left to go against the grain if it did not pan out as I had desired.
I trusted His goodness for sure. It however felt like I was on my last chance where this fragile heart was concerned, dancing on the edge of deferred hope.
Little girl with big dreams and giant sized craving for everything that Papa has set aside for her:
Eyes filled with wonder.
Spirit bubbling with expectation.
An eagerness for the culmination of His set promises.
The beaming pride of a son who knew their Papa is standing as God-of-Angel-armies with a battalion so powerful.
Comfortably reclining on the confidence that there isn’t any battle He has fought and lost.
All that and more yet all God kept whispering her way was, ‘it is almost here’ only for a bigger storm to hit hard. For the fire to be bumped up a notch higher quenching the anticipation for relief on all fonts.😢
The wear and tear from the obstacle race that had been the last eight months was greater than anticipated; Partly due to the fact that I was ready to abort the process by month three and chose to go on with life as usual, refusing to back down.
Denial gave way to a slow fade into resignation in record time for one who prided themselves in being a fighter. There was a thirst that was proving unquenchable. My social skills were unbecoming as my tolerance was quickly dwindling. Anything that needed me to have intense human interaction, I circumvented.
Too busy with my nets that I hardly noticed when Papa was stepping into my own boat which I was slowly abandoning.
At the instruction to give Him one more shot, I was inclined to make a move as Peter did. Reduce the odds and manage my disappointment. Let out one net in lieu of all that I had, as I test the waters before dancing in excitement.
Papa was calling me to discern the times as the alarm had gone off.
Letting me know that He is stepping into my circumstances subsequently jolting me out of that wait.
Going all out for His children and not the damsel in distress kind of situation rather, ‘buckle up baby girl, Papa is coming through for this one.’
Quite comforting is the reassurance that He is coming in to do the same exact thing you have been calling out to Him for the last few. The very thing which gave you sleepless nights and emptied your tears reservoir. The one which had you going on autopilot as you could not handle the emotional roller coaster that came with. The ‘it’ which got you recoiling into your shell and activating energy saving mode.
That ‘it’. Whatever ‘it’ is for you. You know ‘it’ too well.
I sure do know mine.😔
Nevertheless, I can’t help but wonder whether Peter hoped he had gone all in instead. If his mind ever speculated over what he may have missed, which may have translated to a bountiful catch in multiples. I sure would not want to be in those shoes.🥺
Thus the choice to lay out all my nets under the reassurance that am not on my own.
Jesus left us a Helper for this one and more.
I stand as a recipient of His dunamis power and refreshing friendship.
My task remains to rise up and shine, radiant in God’s glory.
Allowing Him to redeem that glow and let the sparkle back into my eyes.
For my Master has gone ahead of me perfecting everything that concerns His son.
Cheers❤️.
HIGHCARBLIVING 