The thing about being in a fight for so long, most especially this kind,
is that you lose sight of what really mattered at times in the quest to remain sane.
This gets you into one dark rabbit hole that can have you spiraling to no end.
Probably, even throwing tantrums on wanting to know timelines amidst all these hoping to catch a break sooner than later.
There is, nevertheless, the other bit to it;
You realize a total dependency on God.
Find comfort in His assurance.
Recognize that Papa is not removed from the reality of our everyday life.
He doesn’t have extraordinary expectation of us neither is He an impossible task Master.
The Moses’ stint was thus not foreign to me.
I have been there more times than I would really like to admit.🙈
From the extreme of not so politely ‘reminding’ Papa of the promises stated over my life to sprawling on the floor and demanding an out if He ain’t doing this with me.
Yeah, I know. It’s a tad bit 👀.
Truth be told though, if I can’t do that with my Father,
that fool-proof serene safe space literally goes to waste.
As I digress…
For a couple of weeks now, the fatigue has been deep boned
and I have needed answers from the only one who had figured this all out right from the beginning.
I have stood at a place of questioning much as it felt my walking in obedience constantly had me thrusted into deeper levels of the unknown.
I am aware it is part of the package, walking by faith is our mandate.
Nonetheless, I have seriously desired a break despite my knowledge of the impossibility of that request at that point.
Like walking out to breathe a little.
My soul has been crying out for more, bigger, better and most especially closure.
I have craved closure over so many things that felt beyond me.
I was lost over the sequence of events.
Don’t get me wrong though,
I knew who Papa was.
His nature was not lost to me.
I wanted out, where this cycle was concerned, to move on to His bigger and greater.
I wherefore, recognize why Moses would be that insistent over God’s assurance and presence in the journey they were to undertake. It was a great undertaking with a crowd of people who were easily swayed by what they saw rather than Whom they knew.
It must have been quite a burden to blend the right now to the promise which he most probably yearned for its materialization.
Well, at least I know I did.
I craved for its occurrence.
To get to the other side, the beautiful place He had given me glimpses of.
The insatiable tug, the dull ache that constantly brewed a frustration to this soldier who was at the brink of slowly fading.
Grasping on what remained true and unchangeable, God’s promises
Soaking myself in His presence with sobering reminders of my God.
He who is:
Strong in battle,
A Mighty Warrior,
Immovable and Invincible.
Quick in mercy and filled with grace.
A longing for a breakthrough on one end to carry me to the other end as I flourish in the greatly promised rest.
Howbeit, Papa gave me much more,
He constantly had His arms wrapped around me.
That in itself, is more than I would have bargained for.
Earnest reminders of what it meant to be deeply loved, cared for and protected.
Whom I belonged to;
He who calls me the apple of His eye.🥰
HIGHCARBLIVING 