The deep craving for that point of rest almost consumed me as I fought through the overwhelming feeling of constantly having the odds always stacked against this Missy.
The frustration build up not withstanding followed with the periodical doses of jeer that seemingly found their way.
It felt like unlocking new levels to this journey and the fatigue, having no amount of being graced seemingly suffice. This led to me checking out of consciously living and sway through the motions of life to get by once again.
A random early morning phone call from my mentor, who doubles up as a colleague, served as a startling red light. Jolting me to a reality I had possibly been running away from, the constant dull ache I had perfected the numbing skills to.
As I struggled to express the level of exasperation I was experiencing, most of which she was familiar to, she quickly reminded me of Hannah and Peninah. Â Swiftly proceeding to mention that these spaces acted as my Peninah with the intention of getting me to that expected end: Subsequently stirring within a restlessness that would shake me from that place of complacency that was springing forth courtesy of the enervation.
Chiiiiilee!
I wasn’t ready for that clap back🤦🏽‍♀️.
She was right though, I had found a system of wading through while on the quest of guarding my heart from the disgruntled emotions that may arise once I started highlighting what was amiss.
 I thought it was being diligent, she called me out for complacency. It was not in the working it out but rather in the restlessness that my revolution lay.
Same situation different perspective.
 38 “And Esau said to his father,
“Have you only one blessing, my father?
Bless me—me also, O my father!”
And Esau lifted up his voice and wept.
39Â Then Isaac his father answered and said to him:
“Behold, your dwelling shall be of the [g]fatness of the earth,
And of the dew of heaven from above.
40Â By your sword you shall live,
and you shall serve your brother;
and it shall come to pass,
When you become restless,
that you shall break his yoke from your neck.”
The place Esau stood at was most definitely a difficult one.
On the receiving end of two big hits which were to technically knock him out of that race and one big if clause that sounded like a raw deal for a promise.
I can feel the defeat from his words.
A bubbling frustration at the betrayal that he had just experienced.
An almost resignation to his reality even as he chose to give it one more kick.
A place that was so familiar to this Missy. One that involved a weariness flooding over you yet not ready to give in to that fight.
Striving to keep hope alive:
Just one more kick, maybe things would look up and be different.
Maybe, just maybe, that groundbreaking positive turn of events would finally make its grand entrance.
Or maybe that surprise plot twist would pop up from where it had been waiting up for me.
I remained on guard with a sense of expectation constantly welling up within creating a breeding ground for a miracle.
This instead, increased my tenacity to keep at it that was masked as:
 I will crawl if that is what it will take to make it to the other side.
I will keep the faith even when my heart and mind are on the opposite bits of that spectrum.
I will remain faithful even when all I wanted to do was not give a hoot about it all and throw a tantrum till I am supposedly heard.
Do whatever it takes but dying on that mountain was not an option.
Hannah stood as a deeply loved wife by her husband. He constantly reassured her of his dedicated love beyond their current season. They had found a system of managing and she made peace with her situation despite it being a seasonal experience orchestrated by God.
This lasted till the disruption that was Peninah showed up and it was a downhill trend from there. The one gaping deficiency she had worked to not noticing and diligently strove to make it work was suddenly having a constant prompt dished her way.
 Peninah served as a sore nudge of that gnawing longing she had learnt to silence and had nursed for the longest.
Topping it off with the mocking over a temporary season she had chosen to see as a sealed fate for her.
The aggravation piled up and Hannah could no longer stay calm about it. It was at that point, in great brokenness she spoke to God with a resolve of having had enough of the season.
Those prayers of anguish and frustration had her likened to one given to liquor as Eli the High Priest resonated.
The manner of prayer you make when you have nothing left to lose having checked your ego at the door.
The desperate kind that have you deeply groaning for relief and advancement as words aren’t enough.
That is what it took for Hannah to hold her breakthrough a year down the line.
Her prayers answered; pressed down, shaken together and running over.
Not only that but to have her answered prayer leave a mark in history so great that generations later, we speak of him with fondness.
That is the power of having a Peninah in your life. One that wreaks havoc to your comfort zone and helps you unlock the blessing thus walking into your promise.
 That is what Isaac meant when he told Esau, his dominance and freedom was pegged on his intolerance to the situation.
Certainly a difficult pill to swallow.
This revelation however calls for an awakening:
Positions us to handle our new normal differently.
It welcomes an idea that had been shunned for too long albeit effective.
The call to dust our feet off and declare we have had enough of that which has acted as the oppressor for so long.
To check that false humility at the door which has in one way or another been ingrained by society or probably through a series of false starts and reclaim our rightful position as Sons đź‘‘.
To roar and reign in those spaces Papa has mandated us.
To occupy till He comes.💪🏼
So even as you navigate a seemingly impossible or difficult situation:
Embrace the truth: It was not to cripple or have you frozen but rather infused with strength to achieve way more than had been anticipated.
Therefore, approach His throne with boldness and cut the act of being macho.
Let Him deal with what is breaking you into pieces, lay it at His feet.
Put forth your request with a single-mindedness over His nature, nothing wavering.
Take comfort in the reality that He forever remains to be the God of exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ever possibly imagine or think of.
 Above all, give thanks for that which symbolizes Peninah in your life.
Your Peninah, petty and annoying as she might be, came to cause unrest as your breakthrough lies on the other end of that rope.
It was never an accident little one but rather to stir birthing of your destiny through refinement.
Hugs and Kisses❤️❤️
HIGHCARBLIVING 