Tough Love💞

A couple of days ago, I found myself in a position of great frustration.

The kind that has you almost making not so favourable decisions.

Then again, hasn’t that been my September in a nutshell🤦🏽‍♀️.

Not so new a situation, as there be plenty of those at the tip of the tension that results from transition.

Let us just call it some serious character development crush course for this Miss.🥺

Judges 3 speaks of God having left five nations to prove the Israelites by.

Nope😂.

This isn’t while heading to the promised land.

This is right in that place of promise🥺.

Scripture goes on to mention that Papa wanted to know the purity of their surrender.

He knew how bad they wanted that cross over.

However, it had me wondering would they be quick to lose themselves in it once they got there?

Whooosh🥺.

This just sent chills down my spine. This verse and the next just sank in with such clarity like never before🙆🏽‍♀️.

It reminds me of a couple of verses, specifically to two books back, at the brink of transition and the restlessness that resulted.

In the eighth chapter of Deuteronomy, emphasis is placed on their need to remember the Hand behind their prosperity and there is a forewarning against not complying.

Every time I come across that scripture, my mind cannot possibly fathom a situation of forgetting that pit experience and God’s saving might.

Having the second reason why God left the five nations as to build His children for war.

To temper them and prepare those that hadn’t been cultured to war.

This had me in tears😭😭.

Tough love, yeah?

Oh, how He loves😭.

This our Father loves so unreservedly and wants us strong just as He is.

Enough times, I have ugly cried, laid out prostrate across my living room rug.

Mostly after just shutting the door (the world) behind me as I get in and collapse on my knees.

Sort of like a habit as this is the only way known to me.

For Papa to speak life over me once again and refresh my soul.

A place that I no longer needed to play strong and macho.

A safe space that allows for me to get undone.

At times I try negotiating my way out;

‘Papa, this cup to heavy for me to bear. Please take it away.’

On better days;

‘It feels like you granted my request with if clauses, your baby girl is tapped out as it is.’

‘Allow me to see things as You do.’

Often, feels like an obstacle race that I have to make it through to the other end.

Howbeit, He kept singing strength…for the journey is long.

Which would send my tummy in knots 🥴.

What do you mean Papa?

The milk and the honey?

The fun times, cool peeps splashing in cool waters and all?😩

Even so, I have come to make peace with the fact that capacity building is a continual journey.

The rest we seek is there too.

Further into this chapter, it mentions the children of Israel experienced rest at the point which they cried out to God.

The journey that is being broken can wear you out, but most especially it humbles😣.

Then again, there’s the slippery slope that is:

‘For how long will I keep crying out? This Miss is done rocking that 🐼 look on a regular.’

Unknowingly ushering in a hardened heart, insensitive to what God is doing in real time lacking in discernment of the shifts in atmosphere.

It’s a rather convenient place as it feels like you didn’t sacrifice functionality on the bed that is brokenness.

Baby girl is very familiar with this phase: I have indulged in it at the point where my to do list is on overdrive and I need to keep the momentum to complete said tasks. Even in those moments where I don’t have anymore in me left to keep moving, the idea of next level brokenness seems to be scary an experience.

Nevertheless, we are entering a season where more than ever before we need to remain alert to what God is doing.

To tune in to the supernatural realm and remain sensitive to what Papa is doing in this tail end of the journey.

For as He says in Joel,

‘He shall pour out His spirit

Young men shall see visions

Old men shall dream dreams

Sons and daughters shall prophesy..’

We are entering a new season,

the expectation is immense rest and joy.

There is reason why Papa kept singing to the Israelites to bear in mind who they were and belonged to.

So even as you swim in the milk and delight yourselves off the great harvest from the vineyards you didn’t plant.

Bear in mind, capacity building is on going and those seemingly remainder conquests smack in the middle of your promised land are to express the purity of your surrender.

Thus, chin up little one,

Papa has equipped you well for it.

Enjoy it.

However, let it not corrupt you.

Hugs and Kisses.❤️