“He Who planted the ear, shall He not hear?
He Who formed the eye, shall He not see?”
Psalm 94:9 AMPC
I’m seated in the car barely seeing the screen as I type this out as a wave of being overwhelmed by God’s love just hit. Truly His banner over me is love.❤️
You see, at times ‘adulting’ can have you feeling like you perpetually are in the valley of the shadow of darkness. I am aware it may be difficult to admit it, however, at times a keen look in the mirror keeps us sober minded for where we are needed to be.
Year 2021, carried with it what seemed like the darkest of months and days for this miss.
It did not have a near comparison to anything past.
All it came with, was a weariness that seemed to activate unknown levels of intensity.
I felt lost to some extend. I remember looking at myself using a friend’s dressing mirror while at a sleepover mid June 2021 and I could barely recognize the girl in the mirror😔.
An image that’s yet to leave my mind to date😣.
All she knew was fight and she kept at it while deeply longing for the sunny days.
I was working with an already overstuffed plate that seemed to keep picking more.
It was isolating; who else would understand the dull aches and weariness which rocked my body and soul.
The handful of attempts to articulate it left a backtaste on my mouth with most of the so called safe spaces coming down like a house of cards.
My birthday was coming around and everything that had previously been enticing in the past season suddenly lost appeal.
The thought of getting away was exhausting as well as dinners. I wanted to be by myself. All stood pale in comparison to the reality of progress and rest. One of the reponses that I gave a loved one as they pursued helping me out was ‘Only God had the ability to deal with my ‘what I wanted as gifts’ for this year’s birthday.’
End of July, I lay on the floor prostrate and asked God, ‘If every other thing on my request stands out of Your choice list, please gift me with graduating from my Graduate studies at the very least.🥺’
I then signed out from throwing any other tantrums and resumed position as warrior ⚔️.
Why my graduation?
The back and forth, unnecessarily frustrations and shifting goal posts while refining my thesis for printing was beyond exhausting🤦🏽♀️.
The next opportunity would mean waiting it out another year😞.
I was beginning to flirt with the idea of letting it go and resuming once I find the will strength to pursue.
I decided to give it one more push;
even when the frustrations hit harder, this miss would consistently consider one more push.
All glory to God as we did manage to graduate end of September 2021👩🏽🎓.
Past trauma from my undergraduate experience had me taking a long minute to collect my certificate.
This morning, I woke up with an instruction to ensure I have it picked today, about a year later after my conversation with God. It took all I had to comply, plenty of reasons not to, kept cropping up🙈. As I was going through it, I note the issuance date given at the bottom😭😭.
14.08.2021.
Papa did it!😭😭
He delivered my birthday gift 😭😭.
He, thereafter, directed me to the above scripture😩.
I’m such a wreck right now😩😭.
Papa hears! Papa sees!
God means it when He asks us to reason together with Him.
Excuse me please as I find a space to just put myself together.
He truly does call me His beloved 🥰.
Hugs and kisses
HIGHCARBLIVING 