Today was a difficult one getting out of bed. Both my head and heart were heavy😔. It wasn’t a first, however, this one almost consumed me. The irony that was coming from such a powerful week of service and being tended to. I didn’t know how to maneuver the after.
It’s been almost two decades of leading life in faith of healing yet grappling with the flare ups from what ailed my body.
For the longest, I reckon it feeling like it robbed me off my childhood/ growth experience. A times plenty, I have looked around and envied those living in wholeness secretly wondering whether they recognize the blessing they possess.
As a fixer by nature, it took over a decade not to be consumed by the brewing frustration of the inability to resolve this one.
With every attempt came sunshine for a bit before the stormy clouds bellowed and released their roar. Like a win sandwiched between multiple losses, a private battle that had to come out in the light in the hope for help.
Focused on the 9th verse of 2 Corinthians 12 without consideration of the 8th. This week specifically that’s what I placed enough times at Jesus’ feet.
I was desperate for release, likened to the woman with issue of blood. If only I could touch the hem of His garment🥺. How do I efficiently labour in His vineyard with this constant thorn restricting the extent of my reach? The past week alone echoed the vast limitations.
The hampering feeling of being alone when surrounded with love. Even in the place of understanding and safety, this was the one thing seemingly incomprehensible in depth. Like a lone boat in the stormy seas on a pitch black night with the winds threatening to take over.
Thus like Paul, I have pleaded with the Lord to take it away. I have done whatever I could possibly do for a reversal of state. Not for anything but to glory in the beauty of wholeness as I immerse fully into His works.
So here I am, still in pieces having tried all. Keeping the faith that I may continue sensing, deeply for that matter, the power of Christ in me.
Echoing this truth:
Hugs❤️
HIGHCARBLIVING 