Let go my soul and trust in God

THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH

I choose to lean on this one heavily now more than ever. God has been walking me through a silent season that has had me ease up into a renewed trust in Him amidst all that has been ongoing. I must admit that this did not come naturally to me, quite the contrary. It has taken being intentional about drawing nearer even when everything within me seeks to run away and just disengage. It has been tough, the ruthless kind and I’ve been struggling to maintain a brave face through it.

Elijah’s story came to mind as I walked through this season in 1 Kings 19 where he was ready to cash it in. The level of his frustration was rather evident from his talk. His will-strength was done and he was ready to go home to God. This was one of those typical tantrums that one couldn’t mask it for something else. He was just done. Even with the unpleasant attitude God takes care of him as He sends an angel twice to wake him up with food. Afterwards sending him off to task when he had regained his strength.

Elijah did not at any moment step aside from God even when he was being head hunted by Jezebel. He had every reason to call it quits but he kept at it, closer to God despite his feelings. At that point, God tended to and re-established him. He got his request as he ascended to heaven in a chariot of fire even in as much as it was prematurely.

You see God fights for you through it all and He reminds us in Exodus 14:14 to be still. You need to remind your soul that God is all you need and find rest as He is in control. Allow Him to speak life into you again as He renews your strength. He is a loving Father. He wouldn’t allow anything your way if He knew you couldn’t overcome it. If only you got to perceive the Love even for a split second then you would trust that He has your best interests at heart. He remains to be intentional about us and NOTHING catches Him by surprise.

The last two weeks I struggled with embracing reality as I had been under the presumption that my walking in obedience would warrant a better alternative from the given outcome. Boy wasn’t I wrong!! At the beginning of this week, I laid my best friend to rest and that was the most difficult thing I have done in this quarter century of my life. A day shy of what would have marked over 8 years of being in each other’s life and amazing friendship, I received that dreaded phone call. After a whole night of emotional agony, my worst fears were confirmed at daybreak. It was such a crippling experience and I remember wondering when this nightmare would come to an end. Life had seriously dealt me more than a fair share of blows but I always found a way out. I appreciated his manner of making storms look as minute as he possibly could shrink them and remind me of the silver lining on every cloud that came my way. A friendship that bloomed faster than any of us had signed up for and we indeed capitalized on it as it was the beginning of many amazing memories.

 

As I fought to remain objective and lean on God, I choose to share with you lessons from this experience.

 

• God has orchestrated your life in a way that He has provided all you need for the given season. Lean on Him.

• The Holy Spirit really does comfort one through the obnoxious depths of pain that grieve comes with. He soothed it for me even when the intensity kept increasing.

• Dig deeper in God’s word especially when it hurts most. Christ heals those wounds and NOT TIME.

• Jeremiah 29:11, might sound like a cliché but it has never been this alive and real to me as it has been for this one. The outcome might have been an unfortunate twist of events but nothing catches Him by surprise. God has the master plan.

• This body is just but a shell; once life leaves, it withers faster than a flower. I distinctly remember, that cold night as I viewed his body and everything in me wanted to nudge him out of it. His body stood out to be so empty, his spirit had left.

• This experience stirred in me an urgency to live for God with a boldness like no other. The desire to lead life as a living testimony of Christ’s finished works at the cross is greater now more than ever. Nothing is guaranteed other than the eternal life that God has promised us.

• I was reminded to embrace love; I was overwhelmed throughout by the warmth that came my way. Kind gestures may come from the most unexpected of places, learn to embrace it. God will always send people your way with random acts of kindness.

• Striving to love and extend love as Christ did. I, indeed have been tested on a totally new level over this period over this bit. However, I have learnt to soar above the natural and extend grace to all irrespective.

• Seek out God’s leading in every situation. What does He want you to do? How does He want you to be of assistance? How does He want you to handle this? Choosing to be Spirit led in every move I made has led to better choices over this period.

• The importance of resting in God’s understanding and knowledge. This had me quit doing things in my own strength. Things needed to make sense for me as I fought to accept this reality and nothing seemed to come close. It felt like a long dark rabbit hole that I kept sinking deeper into the more I sought for answers. I put it to a halt and chose peace, to rest in Him.

• This great reassurance from Hebrews 13:5-6 was enough to get me back on track every time I found myself drifting away.

 

I have had a playlist on repeat that has reminded me to constantly trust in God knowing that it is well as I crawl back into His arms. Now more than ever before I have slowly learnt to let God in, in every room of my life even with the rawness that may arise especially in the last two weeks. I have spoken to Him with a renewed level of honesty over how it feels and where it hurts most. Once I was done, I then allowed Him to patch me up. It has really assisted in retaining sanity where all I wanted to do was walk through a brick wall and He has given me peace about it.😊

 

I however choose to be thankful;

For the opportunity of getting to know such a beautiful soul with astounding work ethic.

For the time I was gifted to spend with him.

For the lessons and growth that came with the interaction through the different seasons.

 

Rest in His arms friend. You no longer need to be brave now.😊

Till we meet again.

 

Kate.